So I realize this blog might make me sound selfish, annoying, or who knows what else.
But at this point, I don't care.
Because here's the thing.
I'm done.
I'm done being a good friend to people and not having them be the same.
I'm done trying to please people.
I'm done doing nice things for people, things they don't deserve, and not getting anything in return, not even a thank you.
But most of all?
I'm done pretending like I'm okay. Like everything's okay.
Because the truth is...I'm not okay.
In fact, I'm far from okay.
These past few weeks have been rough, but in the past few days, everything has been hitting me at once.
I really can't deal with it anymore.
I've tried to put on a happy face and act like everything is okay.
But it's not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm falling apart, I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
In fact, I'm surprised I can even type this stuff out with how much my head is spinning.
So here's the deal...
From now on, if you want to be my friend, you have to act like a friend.
If you don't...well then, you're not my friend anymore.
It's about time I started making some positive changes in my life.
Even if that means I have to stop being friends with the people I love.
I've given people chance after chance.
I can't do it anymore.
Second chances are enough.
Once you're on your 20th, you don't deserve any more.
So for now, I'm done.
Yesterday during the Jonas concert, there were two times I felt like bawling my eyes out.
1. Take a Breath
2. Nick's speech during 'A Little Bit Longer', along with the song.
My head is spinning so much I can't even process any thoughts in my head.
So I know this blog doesn't really have an end.
I guess that's because I don't even know the ending....
And I guess once I can actually figure out what's going on, I'll write a second part to this.
But for now.
I'm done.
I'm gone.
And if you want me in your life...
Figure out a way to keep me there.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
This One Goes Out to You...
To anyone who has ever hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me, upset me, ditched me, or made my life a living you know what. All because I may have made a mistake or two in my past.
Some people never know when they make a mistake.
Some people always know.
There comes a time, sooner or later, when you have to ask yourself, "Did I make a mistake? Should I have done that? Can I really live with what I just did?", and sometimes, when you really cross the line, you reach the point of no return. The point where no matter how hard you try to fix things, you won't be forgiven.
There are only a few ways to be 100% positive of who your true friends are.
One of those is shown when you make a mistake. When someone can still trust you, talk to you, love and respect you, even after making a mistake that you and other people would hate you for, that's when you know you've hit the jackpot.
Then there's the situation where it may take a while, but sometimes there are a few people who will come back to you after a huge mistake like that. Those are the times when you can look in the mirror and say, "They're still here for me when no one else is and when no one should be. But why?" The answer is simple.
They're a true, honest, loyal, forgiving friend.
And they know you'd do the same for them.
But what do you do when you're the loyal friend, who forgives your so-called best friend for something that may have left you in a pretty dark place for weeks, months, even years?
There's only one thing to do.
Let them go.
When they realize the bad things you've done are nothing compared to what they've done, they'll come back to you.
But they don't realize that when you let them go, they lost their chance to ever be forgiven, to ever be your friend again.
They lost their chance of having one person who truly loved them like family.
They lost a part of their life they could have had if they had just accepted the mistakes you had made.
They lost you.
I've always been the kind of person to own up to my mistakes. But I've lost some friends who I thought would always be there simply because they didn't forgive me. They didn't give me a second chance.
Life is full of second chances, some given, some received. When someone gets a second chance, they either take it and slack off, or they use it to fix why they needed one in the first place.
I've learned a lot in the past two years about friends and second chances.
For example, you can't live life watching from the outside, only getting involved when it's for your benefit.
You have to take second chances, give second chances, forgive, but not necessarily forget.
You have to live your life not just for you, but for others, because without them, where would you truly be?
No one can shape their entire life on their own. It takes ups and downs, new friends, old friends, ex-friends, best friends, and everything in between to shape your life.
Every broken promise, every broken heart, every lie you hear - it all changes your life.
For better or for worse.
But how you let it change you is up to you.
Who do you really want to be?
Because no one can answer that question or change the answer except for you.
"People change and promises are broken," but how you live your life is up to one person.
You.
Some people never know when they make a mistake.
Some people always know.
There comes a time, sooner or later, when you have to ask yourself, "Did I make a mistake? Should I have done that? Can I really live with what I just did?", and sometimes, when you really cross the line, you reach the point of no return. The point where no matter how hard you try to fix things, you won't be forgiven.
There are only a few ways to be 100% positive of who your true friends are.
One of those is shown when you make a mistake. When someone can still trust you, talk to you, love and respect you, even after making a mistake that you and other people would hate you for, that's when you know you've hit the jackpot.
Then there's the situation where it may take a while, but sometimes there are a few people who will come back to you after a huge mistake like that. Those are the times when you can look in the mirror and say, "They're still here for me when no one else is and when no one should be. But why?" The answer is simple.
They're a true, honest, loyal, forgiving friend.
And they know you'd do the same for them.
But what do you do when you're the loyal friend, who forgives your so-called best friend for something that may have left you in a pretty dark place for weeks, months, even years?
There's only one thing to do.
Let them go.
When they realize the bad things you've done are nothing compared to what they've done, they'll come back to you.
But they don't realize that when you let them go, they lost their chance to ever be forgiven, to ever be your friend again.
They lost their chance of having one person who truly loved them like family.
They lost a part of their life they could have had if they had just accepted the mistakes you had made.
They lost you.
I've always been the kind of person to own up to my mistakes. But I've lost some friends who I thought would always be there simply because they didn't forgive me. They didn't give me a second chance.
Life is full of second chances, some given, some received. When someone gets a second chance, they either take it and slack off, or they use it to fix why they needed one in the first place.
I've learned a lot in the past two years about friends and second chances.
For example, you can't live life watching from the outside, only getting involved when it's for your benefit.
You have to take second chances, give second chances, forgive, but not necessarily forget.
You have to live your life not just for you, but for others, because without them, where would you truly be?
No one can shape their entire life on their own. It takes ups and downs, new friends, old friends, ex-friends, best friends, and everything in between to shape your life.
Every broken promise, every broken heart, every lie you hear - it all changes your life.
For better or for worse.
But how you let it change you is up to you.
Who do you really want to be?
Because no one can answer that question or change the answer except for you.
"People change and promises are broken," but how you live your life is up to one person.
You.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Where have YOU been?? WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!
I've been M-I-A.
And I've also been a combination of insomniatic (thanks for the new word, Aly & AJ) and nocturnal.
Yesterday at about 6 a.m. when I was still awake watching Gilmore Girls, I had a little conversation with myself (I get a little loopy when I get no sleep). It went something like the following:
"Wow, I think I'm nocturnal. I'm like an owl. Like..a night owl. Oh God, did I just now realize the true meaning of night owl? Or have I always known this full meaning, just never really thought about it? Is it really necessary to call it a night owl? I mean, everyone knows owls are usually only awake at night. So isn't the term 'night owl' a little redundant? OH MY GOD WHY IS KIRK SLEEPING IN A BOX?!"
Yeah, I have really random thought processes at night (or the morning I guess) that get interrupted when I'm watching TV shows on DVD.
Okay, anyways, my head is currently spinning due to my lack of sleep, but let me try to catch everyone up on my life.
As I'm sure (well, at least I hope, haha) my friends have noticed, I haven't really talked to anyone in the past few weeks.
I AM ALIVE, DON'T WORRY! This was a cause of concern for the crasian a little while ago.
Don't worry, I'm fine. I just haven't really gotten online that much lately.
BUT if my friends really want to talk to me, they have my phone number, so they can send me a text if they wanna talk. Hopefully no one is trying to text my Verizon phone and getting mad at me for not responding. Here's why I haven't responded:
My Verizon phone doesn't let me make any phone calls. Well, it does, but they don't go through. It kinda just sits there and says "calling" for like...ever.
Also, I get voicemails and text messagse days after they're sent. If someone calls me, it never shows the call. It never even shows I missed a call a few days later. It's like my phone doesn't exist for me but it does for other people.
SO the point is, if you want to get in touch with me when I'm not on AIM, hit up my Sidekick if you have the number.
But speaking of the above technological issue (wow, am I old now?), my computer has also decided to start dying on me.
My Macbook is STILL broken, so I can't use that.
And well, this computer I'm on now isn't exactly that great anymore.
It has a giant crack in the screen (thanks to my mom dropping the computer and then telling me only when I mentioned the crack, haha).
Also, the 'q' key is halfway off. I have to press it very awkwardly when I type. Sometimes I even have to slam it down really hard. I guess it's a good thing I don't use too many words with the letter 'q' in them.
Now this is getting boring and I'm rambling.
The point of this blog is...
YES I AM ALIVE =) And I'm doing pretty good.
Except for crappy friends who don't know they're crappy friends.
But whatever, I'm just forgetting about them.
Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I'll be super busy, so if you text me, it might take me a while to respond. Saturday I'm going to the Honor Society show at the Stone Pony (at least I think I am, haha). Sunday and Monday I'll be in New York City. Sunday I'm just chilling for the day in the city, and then Monday is my internship. =) I'm pretty excited.
Okay, well now I'm gonna go watch an episode or two of Ugly Betty if I can manage to stay awake.
PEACE, LOVE, AND COCOAPUFFS
<3
mm
And I've also been a combination of insomniatic (thanks for the new word, Aly & AJ) and nocturnal.
Yesterday at about 6 a.m. when I was still awake watching Gilmore Girls, I had a little conversation with myself (I get a little loopy when I get no sleep). It went something like the following:
"Wow, I think I'm nocturnal. I'm like an owl. Like..a night owl. Oh God, did I just now realize the true meaning of night owl? Or have I always known this full meaning, just never really thought about it? Is it really necessary to call it a night owl? I mean, everyone knows owls are usually only awake at night. So isn't the term 'night owl' a little redundant? OH MY GOD WHY IS KIRK SLEEPING IN A BOX?!"
Yeah, I have really random thought processes at night (or the morning I guess) that get interrupted when I'm watching TV shows on DVD.
Okay, anyways, my head is currently spinning due to my lack of sleep, but let me try to catch everyone up on my life.
As I'm sure (well, at least I hope, haha) my friends have noticed, I haven't really talked to anyone in the past few weeks.
I AM ALIVE, DON'T WORRY! This was a cause of concern for the crasian a little while ago.
Don't worry, I'm fine. I just haven't really gotten online that much lately.
BUT if my friends really want to talk to me, they have my phone number, so they can send me a text if they wanna talk. Hopefully no one is trying to text my Verizon phone and getting mad at me for not responding. Here's why I haven't responded:
My Verizon phone doesn't let me make any phone calls. Well, it does, but they don't go through. It kinda just sits there and says "calling" for like...ever.
Also, I get voicemails and text messagse days after they're sent. If someone calls me, it never shows the call. It never even shows I missed a call a few days later. It's like my phone doesn't exist for me but it does for other people.
SO the point is, if you want to get in touch with me when I'm not on AIM, hit up my Sidekick if you have the number.
But speaking of the above technological issue (wow, am I old now?), my computer has also decided to start dying on me.
My Macbook is STILL broken, so I can't use that.
And well, this computer I'm on now isn't exactly that great anymore.
It has a giant crack in the screen (thanks to my mom dropping the computer and then telling me only when I mentioned the crack, haha).
Also, the 'q' key is halfway off. I have to press it very awkwardly when I type. Sometimes I even have to slam it down really hard. I guess it's a good thing I don't use too many words with the letter 'q' in them.
Now this is getting boring and I'm rambling.
The point of this blog is...
YES I AM ALIVE =) And I'm doing pretty good.
Except for crappy friends who don't know they're crappy friends.
But whatever, I'm just forgetting about them.
Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I'll be super busy, so if you text me, it might take me a while to respond. Saturday I'm going to the Honor Society show at the Stone Pony (at least I think I am, haha). Sunday and Monday I'll be in New York City. Sunday I'm just chilling for the day in the city, and then Monday is my internship. =) I'm pretty excited.
Okay, well now I'm gonna go watch an episode or two of Ugly Betty if I can manage to stay awake.
PEACE, LOVE, AND COCOAPUFFS
<3
mm
Monday, December 31, 2007
Hold On Tight, It's a Rollercoaster Ride.
Most Memorable Moments of 2007
January – First hugs of the year from some pretty cool people; Met Morgan, Brandi, and Ana on the 12th; 12th-14th = some of the best and worst few days of my life; Hanging out for at least 6 hours straight from the 13th-14th (till 4 a.m.) with Morgan, Brandi, Ana, Lisa, Chris, Larry, and the cool kid; Getting stared at by that kid; SO-M interview; "Mamamameagan!" with a hug from behind.
February – Jordan Pruitt CD Release Party with Chris K, Chris F, and Larry; Elk facts and the twilight zone in Kentucky with Chris; Virginia for Jonas with some of my favorite people; Getting stuck at the airport with Becky on the way home; Met Dana.
March – Compliments and funny moments with that kid; Lots of concerts; Good times and definitely some bad times.
April – Florida for Jonas; Not too much else.
May – Bamboozle; Not too much else.
June – Amazing Jonas shows; Texas for Jonas; Fun moments at the hotel in San Antonio; Silly string fights and evil stares; Started talking to Nicole; Made a decision.
July – Compliments from a different kid; Road trips; Press conference; Tons of Jonas concerts; Got to see Nicole for 2 seconds; The phone call.
August – CD release week with the best friends; Gramercy Park Hotel; Met Joey.
September – Nothing too memorable.
October – Again, nothing too memorable.
November – Birthday; North Carolina; Saw the boys in NC (it had been a while).
December – Spent an INCREDIBLE week with Nicole; More Hannah/Miley/Jonas shows; Saw the boys in Philly and Newark; Some memorable moments; Had some good times and bad; Met Perez Hilton; Jingle Ball; and more.
2007 was a rollercoaster year. I had my ups and my downs, but I learned who my true friends are, who I could trust, and who I should never talk to again. It was an amazing year with some bad moments, but overall, I wouldn't change a thing.
2008 will be the year that changes my life. I can feel it. Everything seems to be falling into place. I know I'm going to have some amazing times. Nothing can be much worse than the bad times I had in 2007.
Here's to the memories.
Here's to the good times and the bad.
Here's to you, 2007.
2008, HERE WE COME!
And congrats to Jonas going platinum! Such a change from one year ago!! From 'Mother May I?' in a hotel courtyard to 'Rockin New Year's Eve', they've come so far and I am so proud!
That's all for 2007.
<3
mm
January – First hugs of the year from some pretty cool people; Met Morgan, Brandi, and Ana on the 12th; 12th-14th = some of the best and worst few days of my life; Hanging out for at least 6 hours straight from the 13th-14th (till 4 a.m.) with Morgan, Brandi, Ana, Lisa, Chris, Larry, and the cool kid; Getting stared at by that kid; SO-M interview; "Mamamameagan!" with a hug from behind.
February – Jordan Pruitt CD Release Party with Chris K, Chris F, and Larry; Elk facts and the twilight zone in Kentucky with Chris; Virginia for Jonas with some of my favorite people; Getting stuck at the airport with Becky on the way home; Met Dana.
March – Compliments and funny moments with that kid; Lots of concerts; Good times and definitely some bad times.
April – Florida for Jonas; Not too much else.
May – Bamboozle; Not too much else.
June – Amazing Jonas shows; Texas for Jonas; Fun moments at the hotel in San Antonio; Silly string fights and evil stares; Started talking to Nicole; Made a decision.
July – Compliments from a different kid; Road trips; Press conference; Tons of Jonas concerts; Got to see Nicole for 2 seconds; The phone call.
August – CD release week with the best friends; Gramercy Park Hotel; Met Joey.
September – Nothing too memorable.
October – Again, nothing too memorable.
November – Birthday; North Carolina; Saw the boys in NC (it had been a while).
December – Spent an INCREDIBLE week with Nicole; More Hannah/Miley/Jonas shows; Saw the boys in Philly and Newark; Some memorable moments; Had some good times and bad; Met Perez Hilton; Jingle Ball; and more.
2007 was a rollercoaster year. I had my ups and my downs, but I learned who my true friends are, who I could trust, and who I should never talk to again. It was an amazing year with some bad moments, but overall, I wouldn't change a thing.
2008 will be the year that changes my life. I can feel it. Everything seems to be falling into place. I know I'm going to have some amazing times. Nothing can be much worse than the bad times I had in 2007.
Here's to the memories.
Here's to the good times and the bad.
Here's to you, 2007.
2008, HERE WE COME!
And congrats to Jonas going platinum! Such a change from one year ago!! From 'Mother May I?' in a hotel courtyard to 'Rockin New Year's Eve', they've come so far and I am so proud!
That's all for 2007.
<3
mm
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Celery Salt
I wanted to write some sort of clever blog.
I'd be able to do that if I actually felt clever.
But I don't.
Tomorrow it's time for me to fly (no pun intended. Well, maybe it was) to Georgia! I'll be there till Wednesday to hang out with my best friends and see those famous kids. I think their name is los hermanos de Jonas? Something like that.
Of course, when Jose Pagina is going to be here along with Morgan, I'll be in Massachusetts. PLAN BETTER, PAGINA! I'm hoping I'll be able to see them at some point while they're here. I think them being up here and me not seeing them would just flat out suck.
I don't know what to say now.
So I'll leave you with some advice from someone's mother.
Life is full of uppies and downies. You might run into some spiders or maybe even some cockroaches, but at the end of the day, you're either going to reach the top of the tree or keep climbing.
I hope to keep climbing for a while. I hate those damn spiders. Haven't met any cockroaches yet.
<3
mm
I'd be able to do that if I actually felt clever.
But I don't.
Tomorrow it's time for me to fly (no pun intended. Well, maybe it was) to Georgia! I'll be there till Wednesday to hang out with my best friends and see those famous kids. I think their name is los hermanos de Jonas? Something like that.
Of course, when Jose Pagina is going to be here along with Morgan, I'll be in Massachusetts. PLAN BETTER, PAGINA! I'm hoping I'll be able to see them at some point while they're here. I think them being up here and me not seeing them would just flat out suck.
I don't know what to say now.
So I'll leave you with some advice from someone's mother.
Life is full of uppies and downies. You might run into some spiders or maybe even some cockroaches, but at the end of the day, you're either going to reach the top of the tree or keep climbing.
I hope to keep climbing for a while. I hate those damn spiders. Haven't met any cockroaches yet.
<3
mm
Monday, November 5, 2007
Why Do I Feel This Way?
I haven't felt happy at all lately. If I do feel happy, it only lasts a few hours at most, then something happens to make me feel upset all over again.
I feel like my friends are changing way too much. I'm not saying they're changing as people (although some are), but I'm saying I'm losing some friends I never thought I'd lose, and getting some back I never thought I'd get back.
2007 was supposed to be a big year. It has been, I've met some awesome people and I'm having some amazing opportunities arise. But feeling like your only friends are your best friends is a sucky feeling. It makes even the happiest moments feel like nothing.
Lately I've been feeling extremely left out. Like I do so much for other people and get nothing in return, not even a thank you. People think the things they do for me is payment enough. I'm not a selfish person, but it'd be nice to have someone help me out sometimes. At least I know how to take care of myself. That's something a lot of people I know can't say.
I miss the way my friends used to act. I miss talking to my friends all the time. It's not like they're any busier than they have been in the past when we used to talk a lot.
I'm sick of people telling other people what I say and then twisting my words around and taking it out of context. I'm tired of not knowing who I can trust. I'm over people thinking they know everything. Reality check: YOU DON'T KNOW A THING!
Sometimes I feel like not going on the internet (including AIM) for a month. So much changes in the two days I sometimes go without it. Seeing it after a month would be pretty interesting. And then I'd know who my true friends were. Texting would still be there. So would phone calls. If they really wanted to talk to me, they could.
Some people think I've changed. Well, I have. As you grow up, you have to change. You can't sit around waiting for things to change for you. You have to change in order to get what you want sometimes. I'm not going to go around following a band for the rest of my life. It's not what I want to do with my life. And if I do anything requiring me to do that, it's going to be with a steady income that I can life on comfortably. I don't mean having enough money for food and some clothes. I mean being able to buy what I want, when I want.
Just because I stick up for myself and my friends when people say something and just because I know the truth, people think I'm a bitch. I can guarantee you something. If you are a bitch to me or treat me or my friends like crap, you get the same treatment. Remember in elementary school, teachers would say "treat others how you want to be treated"? Remember how none of us listened? Well, it's time to start listening, because it's true. If you want people to treat you well, treat them well.
I've lost respect for so many people. Those people who say "I hate when people talk behind other people's backs" but they do that themselves. Those people who think they own the world and can pick their favorites. You can't get through life by doing that. The day is going to come when someone needs something. Someone's life could be on the line. Just because they're not one of your favorites, does that mean you won't save them?
Things have changed. About two weeks ago, I heard from someone I hadn't really spoken to since March. We still don't talk much, but I still talk to that person more than I talk to some of my friends I've been talking to this entire time.
I like where my life is heading. I have a future. I can't say that for others.
I can't really trust anyone anymore. Even the people who think I can trust them, I can't trust. The only people who I can trust with anything, and I mean ANYTHING, are Morgan, Nicole, and Joey. If they told anyone anything I said, they'd tell each other. They wouldn't go around telling people. I could share with them my deepest secrets, but I know they wouldn't go around blabbing. Even if we suddenly stopped being friends, I know they'd still keep things to themselves. I know for a fact some of my old friends aren't like that.
Does it suck knowing I won't see some people ever again? Of course. People take that the wrong way though and think I'm being selfish. For example, the Jonas Brothers. They've changed my life and the lives of others. But there are those people who understand what I mean. Like Nicole, for example. Here's some stuff she said on AIM.
Nicole: the fact is they're a band.
Nicole: but they're people who came into our lives
Nicole: and formed a personal relationship with each of us
Nicole: and because of that we cant let go
Nicole: and that was their first mistake
Nicole: we were spoiled from the start
Nicole: they wanted to present themselves as friends, people just like us, in the beginning
Nicole: you can't just rip that away
Nicole: and suddenly say "well you had your chance you can never see them again"
Nicole: it's like any other.
Nicole: its like if you and i were friends for a really long time
Nicole: and then one day
Nicole: randomly
Nicole: someone said
Nicole: "nicole and meagan you can never talk to each other again. you had your chance to be friends. you can stand in the same room but you're not allowed to speak."
Nicole: its not very fair and its pretty much emotional abuse
We have come to terms with the fact that it's over and done, but to see them one last time and tell them how proud we are would be amazing. We don't ask for much and we don't use people. We just want them to know we're proud and we still love them.
There is so much more I could say, but I can't comprehend everything that is running through my head. But that stuff I've said has been with me for a while and I needed to get it off my chest.
Hate me for it if you want, but it's how I feel.
Lately I've been feeling depressed, annoyed, angry, stressed, and now to top it all off, I'm catching a cold.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm one of the luckiest people in the world, and I'm so grateful for everything that has happened and is happening to me.
I just wish all this drama would end.
I need it to be later in this month, and December/January. The stuff planned should cheer me up quite a bit.
That's all.
<33
mm
I feel like my friends are changing way too much. I'm not saying they're changing as people (although some are), but I'm saying I'm losing some friends I never thought I'd lose, and getting some back I never thought I'd get back.
2007 was supposed to be a big year. It has been, I've met some awesome people and I'm having some amazing opportunities arise. But feeling like your only friends are your best friends is a sucky feeling. It makes even the happiest moments feel like nothing.
Lately I've been feeling extremely left out. Like I do so much for other people and get nothing in return, not even a thank you. People think the things they do for me is payment enough. I'm not a selfish person, but it'd be nice to have someone help me out sometimes. At least I know how to take care of myself. That's something a lot of people I know can't say.
I miss the way my friends used to act. I miss talking to my friends all the time. It's not like they're any busier than they have been in the past when we used to talk a lot.
I'm sick of people telling other people what I say and then twisting my words around and taking it out of context. I'm tired of not knowing who I can trust. I'm over people thinking they know everything. Reality check: YOU DON'T KNOW A THING!
Sometimes I feel like not going on the internet (including AIM) for a month. So much changes in the two days I sometimes go without it. Seeing it after a month would be pretty interesting. And then I'd know who my true friends were. Texting would still be there. So would phone calls. If they really wanted to talk to me, they could.
Some people think I've changed. Well, I have. As you grow up, you have to change. You can't sit around waiting for things to change for you. You have to change in order to get what you want sometimes. I'm not going to go around following a band for the rest of my life. It's not what I want to do with my life. And if I do anything requiring me to do that, it's going to be with a steady income that I can life on comfortably. I don't mean having enough money for food and some clothes. I mean being able to buy what I want, when I want.
Just because I stick up for myself and my friends when people say something and just because I know the truth, people think I'm a bitch. I can guarantee you something. If you are a bitch to me or treat me or my friends like crap, you get the same treatment. Remember in elementary school, teachers would say "treat others how you want to be treated"? Remember how none of us listened? Well, it's time to start listening, because it's true. If you want people to treat you well, treat them well.
I've lost respect for so many people. Those people who say "I hate when people talk behind other people's backs" but they do that themselves. Those people who think they own the world and can pick their favorites. You can't get through life by doing that. The day is going to come when someone needs something. Someone's life could be on the line. Just because they're not one of your favorites, does that mean you won't save them?
Things have changed. About two weeks ago, I heard from someone I hadn't really spoken to since March. We still don't talk much, but I still talk to that person more than I talk to some of my friends I've been talking to this entire time.
I like where my life is heading. I have a future. I can't say that for others.
I can't really trust anyone anymore. Even the people who think I can trust them, I can't trust. The only people who I can trust with anything, and I mean ANYTHING, are Morgan, Nicole, and Joey. If they told anyone anything I said, they'd tell each other. They wouldn't go around telling people. I could share with them my deepest secrets, but I know they wouldn't go around blabbing. Even if we suddenly stopped being friends, I know they'd still keep things to themselves. I know for a fact some of my old friends aren't like that.
Does it suck knowing I won't see some people ever again? Of course. People take that the wrong way though and think I'm being selfish. For example, the Jonas Brothers. They've changed my life and the lives of others. But there are those people who understand what I mean. Like Nicole, for example. Here's some stuff she said on AIM.
Nicole: the fact is they're a band.
Nicole: but they're people who came into our lives
Nicole: and formed a personal relationship with each of us
Nicole: and because of that we cant let go
Nicole: and that was their first mistake
Nicole: we were spoiled from the start
Nicole: they wanted to present themselves as friends, people just like us, in the beginning
Nicole: you can't just rip that away
Nicole: and suddenly say "well you had your chance you can never see them again"
Nicole: it's like any other.
Nicole: its like if you and i were friends for a really long time
Nicole: and then one day
Nicole: randomly
Nicole: someone said
Nicole: "nicole and meagan you can never talk to each other again. you had your chance to be friends. you can stand in the same room but you're not allowed to speak."
Nicole: its not very fair and its pretty much emotional abuse
We have come to terms with the fact that it's over and done, but to see them one last time and tell them how proud we are would be amazing. We don't ask for much and we don't use people. We just want them to know we're proud and we still love them.
There is so much more I could say, but I can't comprehend everything that is running through my head. But that stuff I've said has been with me for a while and I needed to get it off my chest.
Hate me for it if you want, but it's how I feel.
Lately I've been feeling depressed, annoyed, angry, stressed, and now to top it all off, I'm catching a cold.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm one of the luckiest people in the world, and I'm so grateful for everything that has happened and is happening to me.
I just wish all this drama would end.
I need it to be later in this month, and December/January. The stuff planned should cheer me up quite a bit.
That's all.
<33
mm
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
WOW!
First off, I never update this thing anymore...pretty sad.
Second, congrats to Jonas on debuting at #5 on the charts!!!
At their show last night, I kept having flashbacks to last year. It's amazing how far they've come. When they announced that they would be debuting at #5, I literally wanted to cry. I'm so proud of them and they deserve it so much. They've worked so hard.
I think it's safe to say that Joe will be having a good 18th birthday today : ) Happy birthday Joe!
Well, I'm off to attempt to find tickets for tomorrow's show....
<33
mm
Second, congrats to Jonas on debuting at #5 on the charts!!!
At their show last night, I kept having flashbacks to last year. It's amazing how far they've come. When they announced that they would be debuting at #5, I literally wanted to cry. I'm so proud of them and they deserve it so much. They've worked so hard.
I think it's safe to say that Joe will be having a good 18th birthday today : ) Happy birthday Joe!
Well, I'm off to attempt to find tickets for tomorrow's show....
<33
mm
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