This One Goes Out to You...

To anyone who has ever hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me, upset me, ditched me, or made my life a living you know what. All because I may have made a mistake or two in my past.

Some people never know when they make a mistake.
Some people always know.
There comes a time, sooner or later, when you have to ask yourself, "Did I make a mistake? Should I have done that? Can I really live with what I just did?", and sometimes, when you really cross the line, you reach the point of no return. The point where no matter how hard you try to fix things, you won't be forgiven.

There are only a few ways to be 100% positive of who your true friends are.

One of those is shown when you make a mistake. When someone can still trust you, talk to you, love and respect you, even after making a mistake that you and other people would hate you for, that's when you know you've hit the jackpot.

Then there's the situation where it may take a while, but sometimes there are a few people who will come back to you after a huge mistake like that. Those are the times when you can look in the mirror and say, "They're still here for me when no one else is and when no one should be. But why?" The answer is simple.

They're a true, honest, loyal, forgiving friend.
And they know you'd do the same for them.

But what do you do when you're the loyal friend, who forgives your so-called best friend for something that may have left you in a pretty dark place for weeks, months, even years?
There's only one thing to do.

Let them go.

When they realize the bad things you've done are nothing compared to what they've done, they'll come back to you.

But they don't realize that when you let them go, they lost their chance to ever be forgiven, to ever be your friend again.

They lost their chance of having one person who truly loved them like family.

They lost a part of their life they could have had if they had just accepted the mistakes you had made.

They lost you.

I've always been the kind of person to own up to my mistakes. But I've lost some friends who I thought would always be there simply because they didn't forgive me. They didn't give me a second chance.

Life is full of second chances, some given, some received. When someone gets a second chance, they either take it and slack off, or they use it to fix why they needed one in the first place.

I've learned a lot in the past two years about friends and second chances.

For example, you can't live life watching from the outside, only getting involved when it's for your benefit.

You have to take second chances, give second chances, forgive, but not necessarily forget.

You have to live your life not just for you, but for others, because without them, where would you truly be?

No one can shape their entire life on their own. It takes ups and downs, new friends, old friends, ex-friends, best friends, and everything in between to shape your life.

Every broken promise, every broken heart, every lie you hear - it all changes your life.

For better or for worse.

But how you let it change you is up to you.

Who do you really want to be?

Because no one can answer that question or change the answer except for you.

"People change and promises are broken," but how you live your life is up to one person.

You.

Where have YOU been?? WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!

I've been M-I-A.
And I've also been a combination of insomniatic (thanks for the new word, Aly & AJ) and nocturnal.

Yesterday at about 6 a.m. when I was still awake watching Gilmore Girls, I had a little conversation with myself (I get a little loopy when I get no sleep). It went something like the following:
"Wow, I think I'm nocturnal. I'm like an owl. Like..a night owl. Oh God, did I just now realize the true meaning of night owl? Or have I always known this full meaning, just never really thought about it? Is it really necessary to call it a night owl? I mean, everyone knows owls are usually only awake at night. So isn't the term 'night owl' a little redundant? OH MY GOD WHY IS KIRK SLEEPING IN A BOX?!"
Yeah, I have really random thought processes at night (or the morning I guess) that get interrupted when I'm watching TV shows on DVD.

Okay, anyways, my head is currently spinning due to my lack of sleep, but let me try to catch everyone up on my life.

As I'm sure (well, at least I hope, haha) my friends have noticed, I haven't really talked to anyone in the past few weeks.
I AM ALIVE, DON'T WORRY! This was a cause of concern for the crasian a little while ago.
Don't worry, I'm fine. I just haven't really gotten online that much lately.
BUT if my friends really want to talk to me, they have my phone number, so they can send me a text if they wanna talk. Hopefully no one is trying to text my Verizon phone and getting mad at me for not responding. Here's why I haven't responded:
My Verizon phone doesn't let me make any phone calls. Well, it does, but they don't go through. It kinda just sits there and says "calling" for like...ever.
Also, I get voicemails and text messagse days after they're sent. If someone calls me, it never shows the call. It never even shows I missed a call a few days later. It's like my phone doesn't exist for me but it does for other people.
SO the point is, if you want to get in touch with me when I'm not on AIM, hit up my Sidekick if you have the number.

But speaking of the above technological issue (wow, am I old now?), my computer has also decided to start dying on me.
My Macbook is STILL broken, so I can't use that.
And well, this computer I'm on now isn't exactly that great anymore.
It has a giant crack in the screen (thanks to my mom dropping the computer and then telling me only when I mentioned the crack, haha).
Also, the 'q' key is halfway off. I have to press it very awkwardly when I type. Sometimes I even have to slam it down really hard. I guess it's a good thing I don't use too many words with the letter 'q' in them.

Now this is getting boring and I'm rambling.

The point of this blog is...
YES I AM ALIVE =) And I'm doing pretty good.

Except for crappy friends who don't know they're crappy friends.
But whatever, I'm just forgetting about them.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I'll be super busy, so if you text me, it might take me a while to respond. Saturday I'm going to the Honor Society show at the Stone Pony (at least I think I am, haha). Sunday and Monday I'll be in New York City. Sunday I'm just chilling for the day in the city, and then Monday is my internship. =) I'm pretty excited.

Okay, well now I'm gonna go watch an episode or two of Ugly Betty if I can manage to stay awake.

PEACE, LOVE, AND COCOAPUFFS
<3
mm